


before you die

by Arzani



Category: One Piece
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Illness, Lung Cancer, M/M, death mention, explicit description of cancer, really sad, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 10:50:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4743545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arzani/pseuds/Arzani
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Benn starts to cough in the middle of a conversation, Shanks orders him to see Doc. Benn finds it unnecessary, because as long as you ignore something, it isn't there, right? But Doc makes a shocking diagnosis ... and life on board of the Red Force changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	before you die

**Author's Note:**

> First of all: Many thanks to Aerle for betaing this super long story. Thank you!  
> Next: I just want to warn you that this story contains explicit death mentions and is kinda sad. If you have a person at home/as a friend who has a lethal illness ... well you better not read this.

Benn was in the middle of a discussion with Shanks, when he started to cough badly . His hand darted up and covered his mouth, his body turned to the side in a reflex. The coughs were dry, and hurt deep down in his throat. It was far from pleasant, and even though Benn would never admit it, they made him worry a little, because this coughs came far too often lately to be normal. But when he stopped and faced his captain again, he smiled, mostly to soothe that concerned look on Shanks' face.

“Are you alright?” Shanks asked worriedly, his brow furrowed, but Benn only waved it aside with a grin, and tried to tease.

“Yeah, I'm fine. Smoker's cough. I'm not getting younger, you know?”

Even though Benn's voice was light, he could see that Shanks wasn't fooled. Certainly not, Benn could never fool his captain, he knew him far too well. He wanted to speak again, to ease Shanks' concerns, but before Benn could say anything Shanks spoke, and there was no doubt that his words were meant as an order.

“I want you to see Doc,” he said firmly, and even though Benn saw no need in it – because as long as you ignored something, it wasn't there, right? - he knew Shanks was right. He had ignored it far too long and it wouldn't be responsible not to see a doctor. This at least was something Benn had to do; be responsible, because if he wasn't, no one else on this ship was.

 

* * *

  
  
If Benn hadn't been worried before, he certainly was now. Normally, Doc would examine him, flinch and tell him to smoke less. Benn would respond with a grin and give his usual answer: “Before my vice can eat me up, the Grandline does.” But today was different. Doc's look was stern and unreadable, he was examining him for over an hour now, and he had used machines Benn had barely knowledge of on what they did, which was even more strange, because Benn understood a bit of medicine. Not as much as Doc, this was for sure, but enough that he normally knew what the doctor was doing. Now he was just clueless.

When Doc was done, his hands were shaking, and Benn could see that it took him some effort to remain standing on his feet. A knot formed in his chest, and because Benn had no idea what else to do, he sat himself up and smirked. “Don't you want to scold me finally?”

Instead of grinning, though, Doc gulped hard and slid down the wall Benn was facing. He shook his head, when he finally was sitting there, and Benn's worry increased rapidly because he had never seen their doctor so helpless and devastated. The smirk on Benn's face faded and he asked wearily “What is it? Doc, what is wrong with me?”

Benn got a painful glance, and fingers ran through his hair, before Doc finally said, “You have lung cancer , Benn.”

The words were so plain and shocking, that Benn's mind went black for a second. This couldn't be. He was a pirate, he wasn't dying because of something like this. He always told Doc that his cigarettes wouldn't kill him. He believed that his smoking wouldn't kill him, not before a bullet or sword would do this job. How could this be? How…?

The room was silent, and the absence of noise just made the lingering feeling of inevitable death more present. Benn knew perfectly well that lung cancer was near impossible to heal. Maybe if the cancer was in the initial stage, and if you had money and the best doctors around, there was a ten percent chance of survival. But the side effects were horrible, and they were pirates. Even though Shanks was a yonko, Benn doubted that any hospital would treat him. He also doubted that his cancer was in initial stage. Seeing  Doc's face, he could assume.

“Can you please scold me, that you have told me all the time?” Benn managed to say eventually. He spoke just to fill the silence.

Doc looked at him, his eyes full of sorrow. “I told you…”, but the words sounded more like an apology, rather than a scolding.

 

* * *

  
  
The attack came hard and unexpected, and after a while, the deck of the Red Force was covered in blood. It was obvious that the enemy pirate group had planned their attack into the finest detail, and it was also obvious that they wanted Shanks' head. They were strong, but Shanks wasn't a yonko for nothing, and the Redhair-pirates fought bitterly. It was a miracle that no one was dead yet.

Benn had lost the overview over the whole fight. The enemy crew, who had been really effective  it was kind of irrational, had broken loose when their captain fell. Now they were running amok, and all Benn wanted was to secure Shanks' and the crew's safety. He had no idea how to do it, but he was determined to succeed. Since Doc told him that he had cancer, he had made up his mind about a lot of things, and one of those was that he still didn't want to die from an illness. If he had to give his life in a fight, to save one of his crewmembers, he would do it. He would start now.

He was reckless. Benn was well aware that he was kind of collecting bullets and swords' slashes, and not just one of the men looked at him with wide eyes when he saw all the blood that was straining him. But his expression told them to not worry and care for their own lives. He still was first mate and had some authority with the men, so nobody said a word. They didn’t have the time for it, however, they were in the middle of a fight.

Still, the irritation was present. Benn had made Doc promise that he wouldn't tell anyone about his illness, not even Shanks, and Doc had kept his word. So the only thing that Benn got when he threw himself in between his captain and a bullet was a shocked expression and a shout. He could hear Shanks' roar, before the loss of blood knocked Benn out. He wasn't even sure if he would open his eyes again. He wasn't sure if it would be better if he didn't.

 

* * *

  
  
When Benn regained consciousness again, the first thing he saw were wild eyes and a furious face. Shanks' voice was eager and rang through the room. He cornered Doc, and Benn could only be impressed that the other man was still standing firmly instead of trembling and shaking of fear.

“I want to know, NOW!” Shanks shouted fiercely. “I know that you know what's wrong with Benn, and why he acted so irresponsible, and I order you to tell me immediately!”

“I told you, I can't tell you. Benn wanted me to remain silent, and I will honor his wish. It's called doctor's oath, captain, and it's valid stronger than your order. I'm sorry.”

The words only seemed to fuel Shanks' rage, because he grabbed Doc and shoved him against the wall. A low noise of pain escaped the other man's lip, and it finally brought Benn to actually say something instead of staring. He sat himself up, even though his body responded with pain and growled, “Shanks, stop it!”

His words caused Shanks to turn around, and when he saw that Benn was awake, he let go of Doc. His face was a mask of fury, but Benn could see regret and concern. He could see worry written all over Shanks' face. With a few steps, Shanks crossed the distance between them, and after Doc got on his feet again, he did so as well. But he was too late to stop Shanks from raging.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Shanks shouted, balling his hands into fist, as if he wanted to punch Benn, but he didn't. He just went on with raging. “You nearly got yourself killed. You acted irresponsible. You ran through that fight as if you wanted to commit suicide. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

“Captain...” Doc begged and tried to ease his fury, but Shanks shoved him aside. His hand reached for Benn's shirt, and Benn let him. He understood Shanks' anger too well and he knew there was more to come. He had no idea how to tell his captain what had to be told, but he knew there was no way to avoid it. Benn had to tell Shanks why he acted the way he did, and he knew he had to do it now.

“I want an ans...” Shanks started but Benn interrupted him with a calm voice.

“Shanks, sit down!”

Shanks looked at him, startled, but remained standing. It made Benn sigh. Meanwhile, Doc had brought a stool, and again, Benn told his captain to sit. This time, Shanks listened, and it hurt Benn to the core that his captain's expression had changed from furious to frightened.

Benn closed his eyes and suddenly, he was totally exhausted. The pain radiating through his body, due to his several wounds, didn't make it any easier and still, it was nothing compared to the pain of telling Shanks that he wouldn't be able to keep his promise that he had given him long ago. He had promised Shanks never to leave him. He had promised him that he wouldn't die the same way Roger had, and now he was sitting here, cancer growing in his body and destroying what he had been so determined of.

“Benn?” Shanks whispered, his voice filled with fear. He could hear the fifteen year old boy in it, the boy who quite recently lost his captain; the boy who quite recently lost the man he had seen as his father. How could Benn inflict so much pain, again?

“I'm sorry, captain. I'm truly sorry,” Benn started and tried a smile. He failed miserably. “I have cancer.”

Shanks just sat there, his expression suddenly blank, like all energy had left his whole being. Then he started to shake his head, again and again, faster with each time. “No! No, no, no!” he repeated in stoic manner, as if the truth would change when he was just determined enough. But this couldn't be changed, nothing could change that Benn had no more a year to live.

“NO!” Shanks finally had stopped shaking his head, but now he was trembling and he looked at Doc. “You can cure that, right? Tell me that you can cure it!”

When Doc looked away, because he couldn't give his captain the answer he wanted to hear, Shanks sprang up. The stool hit the floor with a loud clonk. “You promised me,” Shanks shouted, tears running down his face, “you promised me, you fucking idiot. You're a liar. Such a… liar!”

Benn bit his lower lip so hard that he could taste blood. He had never imagined that it'd hurt so bad to see Shanks this broken. He reached out to hold Shanks' hand, but the other man backed away, and the refusal was like a sharp knife thrust right in his heart.

“I'm sorry,” was all Benn could say, but Shanks didn't seem to hear him. He turned around and stormed out of the room, leaving a swamped doctor and a guilty first mate, who both feared the actions of their captain, now that he knew the truth.

 

* * *

  
  
Benn gave Shanks time, because he knew that his captain needed it. He also gave him time because Benn needed it as well. He had no idea how to confront his captain, now that he knew that Benn would die eventually. He was afraid that Shanks wouldn't have the energy to go on, because he remembered well enough how lost Shanks had been after the loss of Roger. But Shanks wasn't fifteen anymore, he would go on, wouldn't he? Benn had to believe it, because he didn't know what to do if Shanks wouldn't.

Shanks had locked himself in his cabin, and Benn sat in front of it for three hours now. He had heard shouting, crying and things crashing against walls. He bet that Shanks would have stormed off onto land if they had been anchored, but the next island was a day’s travel away. They had to reach it, to fix the damages of their battle, but they wouldn't today.

Benn knew Shanks was well aware that he was outside, waiting for him to open the door. But he didn't rush him. He had not made any attempt to get inside, he hadn't knocked and he hadn't said anything. Shanks could feel him, his feelings, his pain and his fear. He always had been able to, due to his haki, but also due to their strong bond of friendship. It worked on both sides and it ripped Benn's heart out to feel the irritation, the worry and the pain his best friend was enduring. Every tear Shanks cried was one too much and managed to fuel Benn's guilt of breaking his promise. Shanks had cried much in the last few hours. He would cry more with the days that would pass.

After what felt like an eternity, Benn could hear the lock of the door click. The door opened, and Shanks stood in the doorframe, his eyes red from all the tears, his hair tousled up, as if he had run his hand through it constantly, and his look nearly sheepish. Benn hurried to stand up, the cigarette he had in his hands falling to the floor. He had suppressed the need to light it with all his effort. He had to stop smoking if he wanted to extend his lifespan for a few more days and he would, because every remaining day with Shanks and the crew was a precious good now.

“Benn,” Shanks started, but stopped as if he wasn't sure what to say. Benn didn't dare to make a move, least of all touch his captain, even though all he wanted was to hug him, to reassure him that everything would be alright. But how could he say something like that, if he knew that nothing would going to be alright? He would die and he couldn't make it any easier.

“Benn,” Shanks said again, his voice weary and broken, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean it… you're not an idiot, you're not a liar. I'm sorry...” Shanks’ voice trembled and broke, but Benn didn't need more to pull him into his arms and bury his face into his hair. Tears welled up and red strands soaked them up. Fingers clawed in his black shirt, two bodies shaking so heavily that their knees didn't carry them. They both broke down, grown, strong men, beaten and broken, not able to regain strength, because an illness would steal what was most important to them – each other.

They both lost track of time, but it must have been several minutes before they stood up again. Benn closed the door behind them when Shanks lead him into his cabin. The room was chaos. The desk was flipped, papers lay everywhere, several bottles were broken. Benn assumed Shanks had thrown them against the wall in an attempt to convert his fear. He could understand him. He wished he had the strength to do so as well.

Shanks let himself sink onto the bed, one of the very few places which wasn’t covered with misery, even though the covers where rumpled. When Shanks looked up again, his gaze hit Benn's with precise aim. He stopped in his tracks and just waited.

“How long?” Shanks asked with a cold, plain voice. He wanted to hide his feelings, not to burst into tears again, Benn was sure of it.

He chocked hard and answered truthfully, “Doc said maybe a year. Maybe more, maybe less. You can't say it for certain.” Shanks hadn't needed to explain what he meant. It was obvious.

Benn could watch how Shanks' hand gripped the sheets of his bed in a desperate attempt to remain calm. His breath was heavy, and he needed several attempts to start a sentence, but the words just stuck in his throat. Finally, he managed, “Not even one year.” He looked up and his eyes showed misery. “I'll lose you in not even one year.”

It only took Benn a few steps to reach his captain and he wrapped his arms around his shoulders the moment he was with him. He knelt in front of him and ignored the tears that rose again. How much tears could a man cry before he just hadn't anymore left? He had the feeling he would find out.

“You'll not lose me. I will always be with you, even when I die. I won't leave you. You're my life, Shanks. You're my life…” Benn chocked hard on the words, but he was sure whatever would come after death, he would always watch over him, if there was a way it was possible.

“But Benn,” Shanks protested, his hand clutching on Benn's body, as if he never wanted to let go. He wouldn't let go for a long time now. “I need you. What shall I do without you? I can't go on when you're gone. I don't want to go on when you're gone.”

“You'll have to. You promised Luffy, and the crew needs you. Shanks, I need to know you do,” Benn said eagerly. How could he die peacefully when he knew that Shanks would throw away his life after his death? He could never… endure this thought. “Promise me, Shanks! Promise me you'll go on after my death. Please?”

He had made himself loose from Shanks, and looked at him. He wanted to hear it, he wanted to be sure that Shanks would remain living. His hands gripped his captain's shoulders, his whole body was tense, and minutes went by, while captain and first mate just looked at each other. They looked and looked, and finally, Shanks nodded. “I'll promise… I'll promise if you promise that you'll fight. Please fight as long as you can. I want every remaining day with you. Benn...” Shanks stopped, and tears sparkled in his eyes, again, “I love you. I truly do. I… I should have told you sooner. I should have told you long ago. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...”

Shanks' words had to sink in, but it didn't take long until they did. Love had never been an issue between them. They were such close friends that love seemed like something lesser than their friendship, but the moment Benn's lips met Shanks', he knew it was wrong. Love was actually what bound them. Love, friendship and understanding. It only hurt that they hadn't had enough time to understand this realization to its core.

“I promise. I promise I will fight,” Benn said after they finished the kiss and he would, because he wanted to be near Shanks for as long as he could. Even though it would be merely a year.

 

* * *

  
  
Sleeping with Shanks was a bittersweet sensation Benn had never imagined to endure. Their bodies fit perfectly into each other, as if they were made to become one. They weren't sweet or soft, they were rough, conquering and wild. They converted all their fear and pain, the angst of losing each other and the sudden realization that this wouldn't last forever in their touches, and they were saturated with need and desire.

Benn took over Shanks' mouth, his lips savored the sweet taste of alcohol and lust, his tongue explored each inch. In return, Shanks pressed Benn onto the mattress, scratched his fingernails over the bare skin, and marked him as his own. It was a taking and giving, and by fulfilling their own desires, they fulfilled the other one's as well.

When Shanks entered Benn with a neat thrust, his moan echoed through the room. He only had little time to adjust to the new feeling, and Shanks didn't hold back when he took over control. Benn felt pain, but even more pleasure, and pain was good, because as long as he could feel this bittersweet pain, he knew he was still alive. When Shanks reached for his partner's arousal, all and every thought inside Benn's head was gone, and he gave himself in to this liberating feeling.

Even though they were as close as never before, Benn wanted more of Shanks. He wanted him closer, he wanted to feel every inch of his captain, and he had no control over himself when he begged for more, when he pleaded that Shanks should take him harder, that he shouldn't hold back. So Shanks picked up the pace, his thrusts became more eager, more energetic and fiercely. He pumped Benn hard, and with each move, they could both forget for a short time what was about come.

When Benn came, Shanks' name died on his lips. He trembled, his hands digging into Shanks' back, and he held onto him as if he would drown if he let go. A few thrusts later, Shanks followed him over the edge, and they fell onto the bed, entangled as they were, exhausted and tired. Sleep overcame them mercilessly, a tribute to all the tears and kisses. They didn't let go, they didn't cover themselves with a blanket, they didn't even part. Shanks was still inside Benn when they fell asleep, and for this one night, nightmares spared them and gave them a small time, in which they were free of the new grown fear that they had to part, eventually.

 

* * *

  
  
If Shanks and Benn could have spared the crew the cruel knowledge that Benn would die, they would have done it. But they couldn't lie to their men, and the crew was worried and eager to know why Benn had acted so reckless during their last fight. It had taken both captain and first mate long discussions, but in the evening, they gathered the crew in the mess hall.

Everyone was there, waiting, curious, nervous. It was seldom that all of them were gathered, without one person at all at the crow's nest on watch. They murmured and whispered, but fell silent when Shanks and Benn appeared.

Benn could see some smiles on their men's faces and he noticed that most of them appeared after they glanced at him and Shanks' hands. They hold each other with such a normality and implicitness that Benn hadn’t even recognized it at all. It felt right, and they had come to the terms that they hadn't had the energy to hide their new found relationship. Not when they needed the energy for something else; for the time that would come, when Benn wouldn't be able to walk around so carelessly anymore. If any of the men couldn't handle it, they could go immediately.

Nonetheless and regardless of all the smiles, the tension in the air didn't vanish, and as soon as the men realized the dark expressions on their captain's and first mate's faces the happy grins faded. Nobody said a word, as if they already knew that they wouldn't like what they were going to hear.

Benn squeezed Shanks' hand again, before he presented the crew a weary  smile. It had been hard to tell Shanks, and it wasn't any easier to tell the crew… the men he saw as his family.

“I know you all wondered what happened during our last fight, and why I, the man who always talks about responsibility, acted so reckless. I can understand your concerns, and...” he paused, and his free hand washed over his face, “and I'm sorry that I can't tell you good news. If I don't die in a fight during the next year, I will die from illness. I have cancer and I have only about one more year to live.”

When Benn finished his explanation, the room fell so silent that you could have heard a needle drop. Seconds passed, and an eerie feeling filled the room, before one man spoke wearily, “Can you please tell us that you're joking and that this gathering is because you and the captain are finally a thing?”

It told its own tale that none of the men commented on the question and waited for an answer instead. Benn would have loved to just state that all of this was a wrong-headed joke, but it wasn't. He felt his head spinning and he could feel that Shanks felt the same way. “I'm so...” he wanted to say, but started coughing so hard that he had to sit down. Shanks wrapped his arm around him, and called his name, while someone ran off to fetch him a glass of water. When he finally stopped coughing and was able to look up again, several men were sitting on the floor, their faces buried in their hair or hands. He could hear silent sobbing, and misery had filled the room. It was hard to look at a group of grown, strong men so broken, but it was even harder to know that you couldn't do anything against it.

Benn looked at his crew for a few moments, before a firm belief formed inside his head. He took a deep breath before he spoke again. He remained seated, because he wasn't speaking as their first mate anymore, but as a man who saw all these men as his family.

“Listen… please, all of you. I know this is devastating and believe me, I'm the last person who wants to die. Not now, not like this. I love all of you, each and every man. You all are my family, and I hate that I have to leave you way too soon. But believe me that I'm deemed to fight fate as long as I can. I promised Shanks and I promise you as well that I will fight for each day. I'm a pirate and if I have to steel my remaining time and fight for it, I will.” Benn grinned, a mix of pain and boyish determination that he could trick even fate. A few of the men nodded, all of them were looking at him. “What I want you to do, is not to tiptoe around me. If you have to curse because I'm an grumpy ol' man who gives out too much work, do. If you want to laugh because I made a fool out of myself, do, and if you are happy, be happy. I need this crew to be still the same, and I need to know that you'll go on and help Shanks through this when I can't anymore. Will you do this for me?” 

Benn asked, and for a few seconds, no one said anything, but then Yasopp grinned at him, tears sparkling in his eyes, but he grinned.

“Hey grumpy old man. We can't hear you. What did you say?”

Benn shouted, “Will you do this?”, which was followed by loud roars, mixed with sobs and chocked laughs. When the noise eased a bit, Benn smirked and stated, “By the way, whoever asked if Shanks and I are a thing now, well, yes, we are.” Then he grabbed Shanks' wrist and pulled him on top of him, kissing him fiercely, while the crew roared and whistled loudly again. He didn't let go for a while, but when he did he stated, “and now I want a party.”

The Redhair-pirates were famous for their parties, but they never celebrated like this before. They laughed and cried, drank, sung, and danced. They shared memories with and about Benn, teased him and Shanks to no end and told them that they could have had the idea to deepen their relationship a bit earlier. But most of all they honored Benn's wish to be happy when they could.

 

* * *

  
  
Nearly half a year since the revelation of Benn's illness passed, and with each passing day, the cancer consumed his body a bit more. He had lost so much weight that he now weighed less than Shanks, who was nearly a head shorter. Pain was a constant companion now, and most of the time, Benn laid in bed, unable to do much besides reading or writing some letters. He had started to write letters a while ago, with wishes, advises and nice words for each member of their crew. The only person Benn couldn't get around to write a letter to was Shanks. He just couldn’t find words to express what he really felt towards the man he loved with every fiber.

His captain was with him most of the time. Whenever he wasn't doing his duty as captain, Shanks sat beside his bed. Their relationship had grown so deep during the past half of a year that Benn could physically feel his absence. His pain just became a bit more intense, and his mind a bit more weary when Shanks wasn't around. The thought that he would leave him, with all his pain, was even harder than the thought of actually dying. Benn didn't want to leave Shanks, he wanted to stay with him longer, show him how much he actually loved him and see so much more of the world. They were idle wishes, and Benn knew it. He was too realistic to get entangled in vain hopes, so he had made preparations for Shanks and for the crew.

Since Benn knew he would die, he had made up his mind how to help Shanks out when he finally wasn't around anymore. He split up his work and tutored different members he deemed most capable to do the tasks . Some decisions had been simple, some needed more thought, and some had revealed surprises, such as the discovery that Rockstar was a talented navigator and cartographer. It was reorientation for the whole crew, but they managed pretty well, because each man tried his best to help where he could.

One of the hardest parts of readjusting had been the discussion with Shanks of who would take his place as first mate. Benn had to use all his energy and diplomacy skills to get his captain to even speak about it, because the other man just didn't want to hear it, telling him over and over again they would have enough time to discuss the matter on a later date. But Benn was well aware that this later date was now, because time was running and not into the right direction. After what took nearly half a day, Benn finally got Shanks' discernment.

Yasopp and Roo had been Benn's first choice as the new seconds-in-command. They were a well-rehearsed team, the crew liked and trusted them, and Shanks could work with them as well. They could share their position, to handle all the work, and they only needed to agree on in which situations who was really in charge, if Shanks wasn't around. Shanks agreed with him that this was the best solution, eventually, but it was a total different matter to get both of them to agree as well. When Shanks told them their intention, they both shook their heads in disbelief.

“We can't replace you, Benn,” Yasopp stated and crossed his arms in front of him, merely to stop them from shaking, “we have no idea how to act as first mates, this is just… not possible.”

Roo agreed with him by nodding, and Benn closed his eyes to calm his nerves. He had had this discussion with Shanks for half a day, he was exhausted, but he knew it was a sensitive topic. Screaming wouldn’t help them, so he calmly said, “It is possible. I can teach you all I know, and you don't have to replace me. I don't request you to be me, I just think you're the best option to fulfill this task and be a help for Shanks. The crew trusts both of you, Shanks does and I do as well. You can do it, I beg of you...”

“Well, maybe this is true,” Roo picked up the words, “but why do we have to start taking over your position now? You're… you're not dead yet, Benn. Don't you even think of dying yet.”

There it was. There was the real reason why it was so hard for Yasopp and Roo to accept his position, because they didn't want to acknowledge that he would die, eventually. Benn closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, pain was visible. His fingers reached for Shanks' hand, and he found it as a saving anchor. When he spoke, his voice sounded chocked.

“I… No, I'm not dead yet, but I will be in a few more months,” he said calmly and stopped the oncoming protests with a move of his hand, “and then it is too late to teach you all you need to know. I want this crew to be prepared. I want you to be prepared. I guess time will be hard enough after my death, and I don't want you to worry about such… well, maybe not trivial things… but...” His voice faded as he saw tears prick their eyes. He gulped hard and suddenly, started to cough. His hand shot up to his mouth and when he stopped with coughing and looked at his palm, he could see tiny drops of blood on it. He clenched it into a fist and closed his eyes in concern and pain, but it was too late to hide it from the others. They had seen it, and suddenly, there wasn't any more discussion about Roo and Yasopp taking over his position. Suddenly, there was only sorrow.

 

* * *

  
  
The hardest thing for the crew was to see Benn dying, the hardest part for Benn was see the pain on the faces he loved. The first time one of the growing rookie crews attacked and Benn wasn't allowed to help fighting, he screamed and raged. He nearly knocked out Doc, but finally remained in sickbay when Shanks ordered him to do so. He was too weak to help, but too strong to just close his eyes and ignore all what was going on outside. It had been the hardest hours he ever endured in his life, and he never imagined it would be so painful to wait. But after time passed, and he became more and more unable to do anything, he found a way to ignore reality, because if he wouldn't have, he was sure, he would have gone insane.

Even though the near presence of death was constant, there was one thing that brought happiness like an erupting volcano, throwing pieces of joy and anticipation onto the crew. Luffy, their little anchor from Dawn, made such quick and great process in the New World, that townsfolk started to mumble he could be the next pirate king. Mumbles became whispers when Luffy beat the first Yonko and when finally only Redhair Shanks needed to be defeated in the end, for him to conquer the four strongest men and ruler of the Grandline, they weren't whispers anymore, but rather shouts.

Shanks waited eagerly for Luffy to come get him, and he told Benn every day, that he had to fight a little bit more, so he could see the next pirate king with his own eyes. Benn promised him to fight, as he had promised him months ago, and the knowledge that it could be possible to see Shanks with his straw-hat one more time was what made Benn going. When the day finally came, it was so casual, it was hard to believe it should change all for the crew.

Shanks sat beside Benn's bed, as he always did when he wasn't outside to give orders. They had rearranged Benn's room so Doc could treat him in his own quarters, which was more comfortable for the first mate. He barely got out of his cabin nowadays, his body too weak to carry him for long. He joined meals with the crew whenever he could, and he was outside when the weather was nice, but it was visible all over that he was just waiting for death to come. He was too thin, pale and constantly tired. Whenever he coughed, blood spilled his hands and breathing became hard. To look at him had to be devastating, but he never missed company. If it wasn't Shanks, some other man of the crew was with him. Now it was Doc, Yasopp, and Shanks, and they listened to one of Yasopp's glorious stories, when someone knocked

“You can enter,” Shanks called, blinking in irritation because he had given out his orders for the day a few hours ago. His hand was entangled with Benn's, not willing to let go for just a mere moment. When the door opened, they could see Rockstar, and his expression was unreadable.

“Captain,” he addressed Shanks and got a nod to go on speaking, “we spotted sails. The ship is coming towards us. It will arrive shortly.”

“Which Jolly Roger is it?” Shanks asked. He figured it wasn't a marine's ship because then the reaction would have been different. The answer made him tense, and he wasn't sure if it was out of anticipation or out of fear. He just knew that this day would change everything.

“It's the Straw-hat's.”

Shanks headed out to prepare for the fight with Luffy, but not before he squeezed Benn's hand and gave him a lingering kiss. Benn had finally came around that Shanks couldn't care less about the blood on his lips whenever he kissed him, even though Benn had been shocked the first time he realized it. Now they could hear noises from outside, and Benn turned to face Yasopp, whose face got a little pale.

“You don't have to stay here. I know you want to see your son, so go and find him,” Benn told him, smiling, but Yasopp just closed his eyes for a second before he answered.

“I can't face him now, not before the fight, anyway, but Benn… don't you want to see the fight between Shanks and the kiddo? You have waited for this as eagerly as the rest of the crew, maybe even more.”

Benn's heart sunk a little, because Yasopp was right, he did want to see the fight, but he wouldn't be able to stand that long. He didn't intend to make everyone worry because he suddenly dropped unconscious, and what was more important, this was Shanks' and Luffy's big day. Shanks needed all his concentration and he wouldn't want to be the cause for the man's inattention.

“No, it's fine. Yo...,” he started, but Doc interrupted him.

“Don't lie, Benn. Yasopp's right and as your doc, I would tell you to stay in bed, but as your friend, I'd shout to fucking get out there and watch. I'm more your friend than your doctor, so come on,” he grinned wearily, and Benn returned it with a thankful smile.

They placed him near a mast, so he could lean against it, and he had a stool if he couldn't stand any longer. When the crew noticed they were outside, they made a clearance, so he had a good view, and many supported them in whichever way they could. They knew how important this encounter was for Shanks, and they knew how important Benn was to Shanks. They couldn't do much, but they would do whatever was possible to make Benn feel well.

 

* * *

  
  
The fight had been the most amazing one Benn had ever seen in his life. He had never imagined Luffy to become such a strong fighter, but Shanks had to use all of his power and still, he was no match for the boy. Time was irrelevant, and Benn was so drawn into what was going on in front of him, that he didn't realize how his body was shaking in effort to keep him standing. When, after what seemed like an eternity and at the same time only a blink, Shanks was on his knees, beaten and ready for the final blow, all Luffy did was grabbing his straw-hat and placing it back on the red strands.

“Seems like I won,” he grinned, and Shanks looked up, astonished, but finally found his laughter again when he answered.

“Yes, yes, seems like you won. Congratulations, my king.”

The whole ship started to cheer and roar, not only the Straw-hat's, but also the Redhair-pirates, and all the tension, which had been built up in Benn, suddenly vanished, and he dropped to his knees, unable to stand one second longer. Doc and Yasopp tried to catch him, but he was on the floor before they realized what was going on, and when Benn started to cough, blood filled his mouth. Not only a bit, but so much that it streaked down his mouth and hands in smears.

However, Shanks had been able to notice what happened with him at the moment, a second later he picked himself up, and ran straight to Benn. He didn't care about the astonished and irritated looks he got, when he shouted a pained “No!” into open space. Shanks’ body was covered with the bruises from his previous fight, and it was a miracle that he even had some energy left to move, but fear was a unbelievable motivator. Tears were streaming down his face, his happiness completely gone while he wrapped his arm around Benn, crying and begging for him to not die; not now and not like this.

The whole scene got the attention from every person present, the slight difference was that the Redhair-pirates watched in misery, some of them sobbing silently, while the Straw-hat's just been plain shocked. Then there was Luffy's voice to hear, shocked but firm, and it was clear that he meant every word as an unambiguous order, “Chopper, Law, I want you to come here, immediately.”

Benn, who finally stopped coughing, watched how a slender man, he recognized as Trafalgar Law and a – what was he? A deer? – made their way through the crowd. A moment later, they were with Luffy, and in front of Shanks and him. Taking a deep breath, even though it hurt, Benn closed his eyes. He had never wanted Luffy to see him like this. He still remembered the small boy, and in his mind, he would stay that small boy forever, even though he was the pirate king now.

“Hey anchor, I'm sorry you have to see this,” he said jokingly and caressed Shanks' back who now sat beside him, as close as he could, no matter what anyone would think. But Luffy didn't respond to being called anchor, he just turned to his two companions, his expression blank.

“You can heal him, right?” he asked seriously, but before they could answer, Benn started apologetically.

“Luffy, I can't be healed, I have...” but it was Law who finished his sentence.

“...Cancer!”

The voice of the man was calm, nearly cold and he regarded every inch of Benn in a business-like manner. His word shut up Benn in an instance. Then he looked around. “Who's your doctor in charge?” he asked, and Doc stepped forward, looking at him suspiciously.

“That's me.”

“I need the complete anamnesis, now. Chopper, you better get started on preparations. Tell Bepo and Shachi to surface, we do this in the submarine,” he ordered, gave Luffy a short look and only got a nod. He would support everything Law said. A moment everything was at a halt, then Chopper got on his way, but Doc stepped forward and shook his head.

“What are you doing? This is… insane. His cancer is in final stage. No one can heal him now. We all know this since half a year,” he proclaimed, but Law just stared him down.

“You can't heal him, that's right, but I can! It will be risky, and it sure isn't easy in his current state, but I have seen and fixed worse. So get his fucking anamnesis if you want your crew member to see another few years alive,” Law said cooly with a little sharp edge.

Before a fight could break lose, though, an orange-haired woman Benn recognized as Nami, Luffy's navigator, stepped forward and explained, “It's his devil's fruit. It can create a room, which functions as an operation room… not only for human people, but for everything, without doing actual harm. It's hard to explain, but he really is able to heal that man if his illness is cancer.”

Benn couldn't say anything. He had lived with the knowledge that he would die for within half a year now, and the perspective that he could live seemed too good to be true. But it was Shanks who finally spoke, and Benn knew immediately that the chance of healing must drive him crazy. This was a hope that would crush him if it would break. Benn feared that Shanks wouldn't be able to go on if those men of Luffy's crew where wrong, and he would still die, but raised hopes that couldn't be fulfilled.

“You're not lying, are you?” Shanks looked at Law, but the man only crossed his arms in front of his chest, as if it was an insult to ask such a thing, and Shanks had shifted his gaze from him to Luffy. “He really can heal Benn? Please, don't lie to me.”

“He can!” Luffy said, and he didn't sound like the boy he used to be, he sounded like the pirate king he was. It was what made Benn believe that maybe hopes and dreams were present to be turned into reality, and not to crush the ones he loved. Maybe… maybe they really were right, and he would be given the chance to have another few more years with the crew and Shanks. Even if it was an idle hope, he would hold onto it, as long as he could.

 

* * *

  
  
They brought him into a ship, which was called a submarine, and there, into a room, which reminded only barely of Doc's medical quarters. It was all steel and metal, no wood, and in his astonishment, Benn partly forgot why he was here. The human-animal, whose name was Chopper and who, was explained, ate a devil's fruit as well, had done a lot of preparations while Doc had went to get Benn's anamnesis and get himself ready as well. He still was Benn's doctor and insisted to assist in the operation. Neither Law nor Chopper were too proud to decline this help, they all knew that even though Law had his devil's fruit abilities, this operation would be hard and draining.

“Now, I want to start immediately, so could everyone who doesn't belong here leave the room,” Law stated and a few men, including Nami, Yasopp and a man called Shachi, followed his words without complaining. However, Luffy and Shanks didn't made a move, and Benn could hear Law snap.

“I said get out,” he growled firmly, but Shanks gave him such a sharp look that Law backed away one step.

Benn sighed, but couldn't say anything before the room grew cold by Shanks' anger. “This man is my life, and I won't leave him. I'm not stupid, I know he can die here, and therefore I will stay with him until the very end.”

“Shanks,” Benn started, in an attempt to soothe his nerves, but Shanks interrupted him.

“No! I stay. I won't be in the way, I will keep my mouth shut and won't disturb any of you, I promise. But. I. Will. Stay!”

It seemed that Law wanted to say something, but Chopper sighed and smiled. “Fine,” he stated and Benn could see Luffy moving towards Law, poking his fingers in his chest, his face grim, while he murmured.

“See, they don't care about it at all what others say, so why can't we?” It made Benn wonder what relationship those two had, but his thoughts were pulled away when Shanks kneeled down in front of him, his face stern, and half hidden under the rim of the straw-hat that he now wore again.

“You look ridiculous with the hat, captain,” Benn said and smiled, because there were no words for what he actually wanted to express.

Shanks only glanced him a weary smirk, kissed him with such sweet softness, it made tears prick Benn's eyes, and said, “You better wake up again, so I can scold you properly for such a comment.”

Benn grinned, his fingers searching and finding Shanks', when he nodded, “As if I would miss the chance to get a proper scolding from you. I love you...” And it was the last thing that he said, before Law gave him a sedative, and darkness surrounded him.

 

* * *

“He won't wake up for another few hours.”

It was Law's voice, which sounded drained and tired, and it was the first thing Benn heard when he woke up again. His eyes were closed, his head hurt, but something felt different. Breathing was easier than it had been for a long time, and the urge to cough constantly was gone. He couldn't believe it, but it seemed it really was over. They had performed a miracle, and suddenly, all Benn wanted was to see Shanks.

He opened his eyes with fluttering lids and turned his head, his gaze searching for red strands. He found them immediately, because Shanks stood next to him, his back faced the bed, and when Benn whispered the name of his captain, his throat felt dry. The operation must have taken hours, because it felt as if he hadn't drunk water for weeks. But all of this was marginal when Shanks turned around, and his eyes widened in shock, before happy and relieved tears ran down his face, and he wrapped his arm around Benn, to hug him tightly.

“Benn…” he managed to say, before he buried his face into the crook of Benn's neck, and words weren't needed anymore. All they needed was here. They had each other, and the knowledge that it would stay like this for another while. Benn had never felt so glad, happy and overwhelmed in his life, but he had never escaped death like this. It was as if being with Shanks also made the Grim Reaper cautious.

“This is impossible,” could be heard, and Benn looked at Law, who stared at him. “You should sleep for at least another three hours.”

But Benn only shrugged and smiled thankfully. “I promised him to fight… I only fulfilled what I said I would do.”

Benn caressed Shanks' back, who seemed not to care for anything other in this world than being as close to his lover as possible, and so Benn added, “You saved my life. Thank you very much...” but Law waved it aside.

“Don't thank me, I just did what Luffy said. Thank him.”

He nodded in understanding, but it changed into horror when Law's knees suddenly collapsed of exhaustion, but Doc caught him, who had stood by and listened silently. Now he softly spoke, “You should rest. You worked for over thirty hours, Law. Get some decent sleep, you deserve it.” Law just made his way outside, instead of replying, and Benn stared at Doc, disbelieving.

“Thirty hours?” he finally managed to say, and Doc smirked tiredly, before he sat himself down as well.

“Yes, thirty hours.” He paused for a moment, before he added only half-jokingly, “If I ever see you or anyone else of this crew with a cigarette, I'll kill you right away! Believe me, I never want to see something like this again!”

It made Benn snort, and he could feel Shanks' low chuckle down against his chest.

“Aye sir!”

 

* * *

  
A lot of things happened the week after Benn's recovery. They celebrated it, as well as Luffy's victory over Shanks. They celebrated that they met and promised to meet again soon. Shanks guaranteed his loyalty to the new pirate king, and told him and, well, Nami, all he still remembered about sailing to Raftel. It wasn't much, Shanks had been a kid those days, but Nami thanked him nonetheless.

Yasopp and Usopp vanished for a serious discussion as well, and when both of them came back, their eyes were red from shared tears. Father and son hadn't seen each other for years, and Benn had feared that Usopp would hold a grudge against his father because he left him when he was merely a child, but it seemed that they had overcome this obstacle. They had their arms slung over each other's shoulder, and smiles were visible. It could truly be said that one of the highlights of their party was both of them narrating stories of each crew's adventures. One man alone was good at telling stories, both together were absolutely awesome.

But even though this celebration could have gone forever, there was a time to part in the end. Luffy and his crew had another step to take, conquering the final island on the Grandline, and it was a step Shanks couldn't help him to make. He was sure Luffy didn't needed his help, anyway.

Even after the Straw-hat's were long gone, Shanks stood at the railing, watching the sun set behind the horizon. Benn found him there and stepped next to him to wrap an arm around his shoulder. He still needed a lot of rest, he struggled with the loss of weight, and his muscles weren't used to hold him standing for long, but it was nothing Benn couldn't deal with. Law had instructed Doc intensively how to check up on Benn's health, even though there wasn't any more big worries.

“You already miss him,” Benn stated quietly, and Shanks turned around, eventually, and faced him. His eyes were an open book, and it didn't took Benn any effort to read the truth in them. He smiled a grateful smile and pulled Shanks closer, to kiss him softly. Shanks' arm was around him immediately and held him as if he never wanted to let go. It was still hard to believe that Benn had some more years to live, not only for himself, but for most of the crew. They were happy, but somewhat swamped because life had changed on the Red Force, and it wouldn't go back to normal as if nothing happened. This was just not possible.

It was long night, the stars and the moon enlightening the sky and ocean. Captain and first mate hadn't let go of each other for a second, holding close to the presence of their beating hearts, letting the sweet knowledge that they would beat for another while warming them, when Benn broke the silence with a soft whisper. His hand stroked the stump that Shanks carried with him since he gave his arm to save a life, and mumbled, “Your bet on the new age definitely paid off.”

Shanks only smiled in response, but blinked when he saw Benn's sly smirk. “What?”

“I'm glad you gave that hat back,” Benn laughed lightly, and Shanks punched him in his side, calling out an indignant “Hey.” It made Benn laugh a little bit harder, before he chuckled and explained. “Well, you can always be Red-haired Shanks, but what is Straw-hat Luffy without his straw-hat?”

“The pirate king?” Shanks answered questioningly, and Benn laughed again, pulling him closer, to give him a kiss on his forehead.

“Well, yeah, that's true, and I'm sure he will find another kid who is willing to turn the world upside down, and carry on this legacy.”

“Is this a bet?” Shanks asked, grinning, but Benn only snorted in response.

“No! Fate must hate me enough, for stealing a life from Death. I don't want to challenge it again.”

But Shanks only chuckled and stated, “Good, because I made that bet years ago,” before he cut off any response of Benn by kissing him firmly, to tell fate that it should keep its hands off his man, because he was his and his alone.

 


End file.
